we are debating the wrong questions

Seriously, we are debating the wrong questions. We can not solve the problems we need to solve if our attention is in the wrong direction.

Wrong question examples:

– Who’s crowd was larger ?
– Did HRC get more votes ?
– Is HRC a bigger lier than DJT ?
– Should my state secede ?
– Are people that voted different from me [deragatory word] ?
– Were there millions of illegal votes ?
– Was Obama better (in whatever way) than POTUS DJT ?
– Is POTUS DJT better (in whatever way) than Obama ?

Here’s the thing, arguing about various things said, seen and some imagined, we are building walls rather than roads and bridges. We all see the infrastructure of our country failing, but we need to see that the infrastructure of our lives and relationships is crumbling.

Clearly there are many hard questions to answer, like the one(s) offered by Wynn below. Even valid questions can be polarizing if we let them, but a least it’s an important question.

While we argue about a wall between the USA and Mexico, regardless of how you feel about it, we are actually building an unpenetrable wall between us and people we love.

I literally have friends and family whom I find it harder to discuss life with than two months ago. Yesterday I watched on Facebook as a dear, life long, kind and brilliant friend went back and forth with his family member. My friend pleaded for a return to grace but the wall between them, a wall this election built, was already too great for his ‘opponent’ to see over or around. It made me cry a little.

+ Choose the questions you debate with great care.
+ Do not let the media or other agitators frame the questions.
+ Ask, is this a debate that deserves our focus?
+ Ask, even if I ‘win’ this debate, have I made life better?
+ Avoid debates for ‘principle’. We have real work to do.

Now for the hard part, ask someone with whom you are certain there is no common cause, no common ground; ask them to help you to start dismantling the walls we’ve built in 2016.

Perhaps start by giving them your respect, reminding yourself that people don’t normally seek fear. But do not, do not, approach others with contempt or arrogance or any form of disrespect. Stop all forms to telling others they are wrong.

This struggle we face in the USA today is not actually about religion, origins, genetics, jobs or politics. It is about attitude and respect. Find a way to dismantle your own fear and outrage. That is exactly what I plan to do going forward.

If you are reading this and think that I just ‘do not get it’, I beg you to friend me, pick an important question and let me buy you a sandwich or coffee. I don’t have very many answers, but I hope that two months from now I’ve removed some walls and built some roads and bridges.

Humbly and sincerely,


* As always edit correction tips are welcome. I am blind to my own errors.

Explore posts in the same categories: The Good Life

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