Archive for January 2017

we are debating the wrong questions

January 28, 2017

Seriously, we are debating the wrong questions. We can not solve the problems we need to solve if our attention is in the wrong direction.

Wrong question examples:

– Who’s crowd was larger ?
– Did HRC get more votes ?
– Is HRC a bigger lier than DJT ?
– Should my state secede ?
– Are people that voted different from me [deragatory word] ?
– Were there millions of illegal votes ?
– Was Obama better (in whatever way) than POTUS DJT ?
– Is POTUS DJT better (in whatever way) than Obama ?

Here’s the thing, arguing about various things said, seen and some imagined, we are building walls rather than roads and bridges. We all see the infrastructure of our country failing, but we need to see that the infrastructure of our lives and relationships is crumbling.

Clearly there are many hard questions to answer, like the one(s) offered by Wynn below. Even valid questions can be polarizing if we let them, but a least it’s an important question.

While we argue about a wall between the USA and Mexico, regardless of how you feel about it, we are actually building an unpenetrable wall between us and people we love.

I literally have friends and family whom I find it harder to discuss life with than two months ago. Yesterday I watched on Facebook as a dear, life long, kind and brilliant friend went back and forth with his family member. My friend pleaded for a return to grace but the wall between them, a wall this election built, was already too great for his ‘opponent’ to see over or around. It made me cry a little.

+ Choose the questions you debate with great care.
+ Do not let the media or other agitators frame the questions.
+ Ask, is this a debate that deserves our focus?
+ Ask, even if I ‘win’ this debate, have I made life better?
+ Avoid debates for ‘principle’. We have real work to do.

Now for the hard part, ask someone with whom you are certain there is no common cause, no common ground; ask them to help you to start dismantling the walls we’ve built in 2016.

Perhaps start by giving them your respect, reminding yourself that people don’t normally seek fear. But do not, do not, approach others with contempt or arrogance or any form of disrespect. Stop all forms to telling others they are wrong.

This struggle we face in the USA today is not actually about religion, origins, genetics, jobs or politics. It is about attitude and respect. Find a way to dismantle your own fear and outrage. That is exactly what I plan to do going forward.

If you are reading this and think that I just ‘do not get it’, I beg you to friend me, pick an important question and let me buy you a sandwich or coffee. I don’t have very many answers, but I hope that two months from now I’ve removed some walls and built some roads and bridges.

Humbly and sincerely,


* As always edit correction tips are welcome. I am blind to my own errors.


unspeakable sadness

January 9, 2017

In the cold dark morning on Jan 8, 2017, my dear strong friend answered his door to face officers deliverying unspeakable sadness. Bless those officers for the grace and kindness with which they performed this delivery.

His youngest daughter, only 21 years old, died that cold morning. MacKenzie Kaye McCulloch was sweet and strong and inspired those around her, just like her dad.

She is the fouth young adult lost by people dear to me in two months, three of them in vehicle accidents.

As a parent of three young adults myself I feel pain beyond words and at the same time know my pain is nothing compared to my friends.

My brain races while my heart aches and my eyes drip.

I know there are better words, but these are the words in me today, as my dear friend Neil and his sweet wife Sally drive hundreds of miles today with MacKenzie’s syblings. They could be expected to wither in grief and anger; but Neil will be strong, kind and full of grace and Sally will call on her superpower of support.

Do not LIKE this post.
Do NOT share it and demand that others do if they agree.
Do NOT correct me.
Do NOT tell me this is the will or plan of God.
Do NOT tell me time will heal.
Do NOT tell me you’ll send prayers or thoughts.

I know all these answer and more, but today they do not help. If these answers help you then hold them, but they do not help me.

Consider these sweet names. Consider their parents who selected these names and joyfully announced them to the world with hope and anticipation.

David, Ricky, MacKenzie, Sean, Elliot, Bobby, Joe, Tommy, Wade, Margaret, Brad, Dennis … and damn my frail memory for the names that escape me now.

– if you want to respond please just add a comment with a heart. <3

– if you know these parents, reach out to them and tell them you miss their child. When possible do that in person.

– if you want to add a name, please add their first name and the year they died.

To Neil & Sally
To Duwain & Barbara
To Paul & Lois
To Jerry & Mary Jane
and your families and friends,

Deep love to you and your house today, tonight and in the coming days. May unexpected grace provide you with rest each night and help you rise strong to face each morning. <3